no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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