i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
