I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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