Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
