I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
