What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
