She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
