Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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