you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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