If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
