The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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