Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and she was petting her beer can
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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