Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
