I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
