Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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