I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
