I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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