She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
