If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
