Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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