i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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