Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
