wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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