he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
