Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
