She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
