I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
