so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
