he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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