It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
