i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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