That's when you crack a 10am beer
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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