ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
