They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
