I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
