I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
