I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
