Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
