That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
