I can tuck mytits in my pants
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
