I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
