Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
