You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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