i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
