I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
