He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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