you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
