It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
