Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
