walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
