I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
