The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
