I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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