So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
