Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
