i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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