Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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