when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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