I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
