he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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