I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
