i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
